Relatively Well Behaved

So, here I am yelling at the Emmy's.  What has happened to me? 

The single life has happened to me.  Ya know I was with my husband for 23 years.  People tell me.  You have a problem with commitment.  How does a person married 23 years have a problem with commitment.  Doesn't make sense.  

I have been told I need to find someone and settle down.    What the hell?!  REALLY?!  Just settle down with someone.  Doesn't matter who.  Man, woman doesn't matter.

That doesn't make sense.  Yes, I am broke.  Yes, the rent is too damn high here.  Yes.  I go out and party.  I never leave with anyone other then the people  go there with.  Yah, I make out with people.  Its fun.  Yes, I encourage bad behavior.  But, I have been married...join with me.  23 years!  I have a right to be wild.  I have a right to misbehave.  I have been relatively well behaved for 23 years.   Never once cheated. 

So Buzz off.  I will find someone when the time comes.  Right now.  I am finding the new me.  I like the new me.  I'm fucking sexy, I'm confident.  Twenty four year olds say so.  Even with a missing front tooth.  Men find me sexy.  After last Sunday.  Apparently, I drive women nuts.  Who Knew.  Well, I knew.

So!  Let me have my fun.  I'll be back to being relatively well behaved soon.  Maybe.

The shitshow

I have seriously had enough.  What the hell is going on here?  Its pretty much turned into a shit show.  One thing after another.  Mostly my car.  I  just had repairs made.  A lot of them.  Then my car breaks down again yesterday.  The dude wanted 60 bucks for the tow.  Of course!   I had a hundred dollar bill.  Of course! He didn't have change.  Whatever.  Just another player in the shit show. 


Have I turned into the weird dude that sleeps on everyone's couch.  Because their life is a SHITSHOW?!

Dalia Royce

Dalia Royce, is the best mean girl ever.  I should know.  Because in high school.  There were some of the best mean girls ever.

Allie Grant, is a damn good actress.  Those two carry that show. 

The Challenge

Yes. I watch it.

Swift can't drive no stick?!

These guys can't drive stick.  WHAT?!

Cohunna.  He's kinda like the chicket ketcher.

I don't think these are mushrooms.  I think they are snails.

All Natural Central Market.  Those are weird mushrooms.

Pretty much became bored and fast forwarded it to the end.

Cara Maria kicked some ass.  The girls on this show have gotten prettier with age.  The guys have gotten hairier.

 

24 IS BACK ON!!!!

What's Jack doin?

Uh, OH!

Whew!  Did you see that? 

Chloe looks terrible.

Of course the arrogant ass isn't going to listen to a woman!

BOOM, there it goes.   Jack is back.

That's a jacked up way to wake up.

Duh. Of course he's gone.  Jack Holes.

Oh, she's gonna find Bauer.  Future make out scene.

Chloe looks like the Terminator kid.

Girl.  Shit just got real.

I hate commercials.  I always wander off for too long.

Now, who is this foreigner?

The dog keeps humping the cat.  Not Mongo.  He only humps Chewy.  Can I take a picture of the dog humping the cat.  Seems bad.  Like PETA bad.

Girl, Jack's always gotta go in hard.  Break some heads.  Hurt some feelings.

Longest commercials ever.

I'm going to watch that gangster show.

What's with the eyebrows.  The ,men have some serious eyebrows.  I totally need a wax.

So gonna get me a Chloe haircut.  Its pretty hardcore


I wanna Marry Harry.  That's just not right.

Not going to watch The Strain.  GOOD GAWD MAN!

KFC!  That is a heart attack.  You should call that sandwich, Heart Attack. I bet its good though.

Good variety of bad guys.

It is way too early to be gettn' shot.

I love The Muppets.

I don't like this.  Kozy Shack, 90 calorie Rice pudding.  It is thick.  Like wet concrete wet.  Yes, I know what wet concrete taste like.

Jack got Chloe stealn'

Ewwww.  Bitch got stabbed.

Ewwww.  Mommy!





































 

http://www.tmz.com/2014/04/16/wu-tang-rapper-andre-johnson-penis-cut-jump-suicide/ 


You know.  I really think that chopping off the penis wasn't the way to go here.  That'd be weird man.  Jus  sitting there and your buddy cuts off his junk and jumps out the window.  It would of blown my mind up.

 Jumping out the window.  OK, I get that.  But chopping of the penis.  I don't get it.  Did he think he would hit the ground and bleed out?  Did he cut off hid junk in front of his friends...the panc and jump out the window?  That's some weird confusing shit right there.

Here's a video of the dogs eating snacks.

I am sitting here watching Sam and Cat, again.  I'm too lazy to get the remote.  Which is strategically placed FIVE feet away from me. Its cool they have a show about teen lesbians.
Sam just puked in Cat's pee pot.

  Its captivating.
 

 

I'm having a bad hair day.

My hair has reached that phase.  The one where you either cut it, or let it grow  I have so much hair.  It is fine, but thick.  Its also heavy.  Coming up on summer time.  With long hair.  I have to get it cut.  I'm not going to go with the spiky look.  When I weighed 150 it was ok. Well better than ok.  It was hot. Its ok.  I say you looking.  But, since I have gained 20 pounds. With the chubby look I'm rockn' I look more like a chubby butchy lesbian with spiked hair.  One doesn't wanna look to Butchy.  You knw if I ever started going bald.  I would get an addadicktome.     Plus I don't own a comb or brush.

Johnny Weir isn't getting a divorce.  These are a list of things that will not be tolerated.

 -- sex outside the marriage
-- oral sex outside the marriage
-- kissing or making out
-- sexting
-- aggressive flirting
-- mutual masturbation
-- social media/grindr/dating
They also have to take a STD tests every 6 months with the results being read with both in the room.

Why the hell is this news?  Does that mean they can't facebook?

So, I walked into the bar last night.  This black dude named Leroy jumped up and yelled.  Girl you smell good.  Will you be my girl friend. You really, really smell good.
 I think I might be dating Leroy, now.  He was very nice and very cute.  We talked chatted for a while.  Then I met a dude named Todd.  He wants to 'hook up' 
Such is my life as a sexual dynamo.  I was wearing a visor , blue  camouflage shorts and a sweatshirt.  Looing like a scrub.  I might should go out like that more often.      

I also blew a .04 on the breathalyzer.  The bar has one.  I didn't get a free ride in a police car.
It cost two dollars.  So after three Bellini's and 10 pixie stix in six hours.  I was still legal to drive.